daphneontherun:

you’re minding your own business

just reading a fic

when suddenly

you see it

(via malekith)

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

(via mostlyjuly)

Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing happy birthday to you.

(Source: livenights, via whoselineftw)